The Prayer for the Wild

Living deep within us— within each and every cell— is a living wildness a primordial, unbridled seed, and then thread, and then dance of Life. This wild, gorgeous wildness is the story of the unfurling fern, and the rising sun, and the migrating monarchs and the grazing deer. It is impulse, instinct, color, light, sound and ecstatic expression. It is both primordially wild and eternal, unceasing light.

In the last 15 years of my life, it is this wildness that I have courted— or that has courted me. It is the door between the words that has opened— it is the space between the Hawthorns— where the wild rose and the fae and the dragon and the songs of the Earth— have called to me. Thy have whispered melodious songs and fragrant blossoms from a world deeper than this one.

These myths and alllies and ancestors and plants— they have met me in every time of human crisis. They have met me in every moment of human joy, eros, expansion. They have guided me to Peru, to Hawaii, to Ireland— and at every turn, back into the deep radiant wilderness of my inner being. This is a prayer I live.

Of course, when we have living prayers, they live through us— and begin to push up against all of the beliefs and traditions and patterns that prevent them, this prayer from becoming embodied.

And the last year of my life has been that. It has been a painful and confronting reflection on the ways I deeply pray for wildness in myself and prevent it or control it (not only in myself) but in others, especially my own family. I see now, and am working now, to repair this— and to nourish this wildness, this respect for all living things, this deep love for the organic— in my most intimate relationships.

In simple human terms, this is a prayer to dissolve deep layers of co-dependency, to alchemize patterns of control, and to stop numbing the feral wildness, fear and instinct. Our animal kin would die without these- they do, in fact, and it is tragedy. The become

Uncontrolled and uncontrolling and uncontrollable — this is the prayer! And it is not about running away to the woods— it is about freely walking between the worlds and infusing each with the other.

There are magical and practical aspects to this path— plants and potions and prayers— and there are practical ones— turning off WiFi at night, drinking spring water, bathing in flowers, going to relationship therapy, placing bare feet upon the Earth, listening for birds.

Most of us have no idea how denatured and domesticated we are— and how deeply the wild is courting us. How deeply the holy enchanted Earth sings to us. How much She calls us home to her light.

The deer and the dragon and the hawthorn and wild rose are with me. The light of creation is with me. The spiraling unfurling fractals of light, un-denatured, are within and all around me.

The forest school is the bridge, they tell me. The children (and their parents) need a doorway, and a path. There is a client marriage on the horizon— between the Wild Queen and the Wild Stag— any the children who remember need a place to be! This dream nourishes me as much as them— and this is the way of Creation.

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a poem from 2016— when the wildness’ call became too loud to ignore—

Dragon // Jane Mayer, 2016

it is the invisible dragon’s shimmering silence

which calls us from the depths of sleep

and beckons us deep into the forest glen

to watch dappled light dancing

on evergreen boughs

it is our wildness which calls us

saving us from slipping off the edges of dreams

and tries to feed our souls with manna

to ride upon webbed and veined

gossamer wings

where are you, my wildness?

the concrete and dust

salaries and insurance

city night lights and

high-heeled shoes

mortgages and wedding invitations

even vacations

have erased

you

as invisible as the dragon

as if you never lived in the depths of our bellies, breathing fire

but somewhere now in the black of night

you sing and whisper in stories to me—

come home

come home

come home

and lonely as I leave the world, I know

with every step deeper into your woods

i smell you and feel you

and know i am here

my wildness, i find you

howl in me

i’m home.